so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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