At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
