yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
