yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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