i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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