I'm going to jail i love you
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize