Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
