watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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