I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
