I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Randomize
