Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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