there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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