We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
