Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
