I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
