I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
