just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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