I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
