you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
