how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize