Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
