I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize