Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
