her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
