I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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