This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
