So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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