okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
