even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
