You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Randomize
