I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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