I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
