Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
