: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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