dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
That reminds me...we need to get swords
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Randomize
