Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
