i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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