New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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