My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize
