i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
