i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She's the barista slut.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Randomize
