took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Randomize