see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
