you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
