Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
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