No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize