make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
