Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
