i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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