I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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