I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
