i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
