youre lurking in front of me
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
