Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
