I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
