We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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