I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Randomize
