I accidentally burped into my bong.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
