Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
don't judge my taste in strippers
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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