I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
