guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
