this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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