new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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