apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
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